Unlocking Support: Effective Ways to Approach Family Members About Your Parent's Care

Getting everyone on the same page is an important first step in eldercare

I‍ was checking in with one of my favorite boy-cousins recently and the conversation turned to how we’re dealing with caring for our aging parents. He doesn’t live in the same state as his parent and he expressed that he wished he were more tapped into how his 70-year-old parent was a handling finances and generally taking care of her livelihood. It seems the job had fallen to his sister to help manage things. Family dynamics being what they are, his relationship with his family unit had seen its share of ups and downs, but he was willing to be a participant only to feel left out.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplas

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Conversations with your family members about how to handle your parent's care can be challenging, especially if there are difficult family dynamics at play. Your familial relationships can be some of the most contentious and past hurts and broken trust can make it impossible to bring folks together on the same page to make decisions.

As a caregiver, there are several reasons why, if you can, you should seek advice from your siblings when it comes to how your parent is being cared for. With the right approach and effective strategies, you can navigate this conversation and gain the support you need.

Understanding the importance of discussing elder care with family members

When it comes to elder care, involving your family members is crucial. Not only can they provide emotional support, but they can also contribute to the decision-making process and share the responsibilities that come with caring for an elderly loved one. It also is necessary to build a line of communication before a crisis so that everyone is “read in” when the time comes. By discussing your elder care needs with your family members, you can ensure that everyone is on the same page and working towards the best possible care for your loved one.

To be clear: Elder care is a complex and sensitive topic. It can be challenging for some individuals to accept that their loved one needs assistance. It can also be difficult for family members to put aside past harms and be willing to participate in the decision making. However, by involving family members in the discussion, you can help them understand the importance of providing the necessary support and create a more positive and supportive environment for everyone involved.

Preparation: Gathering necessary information and resources

Before initiating the conversation with your family members, it's essential to gather all the necessary information and resources to support your case. This will help you present a clear and well-informed argument, increasing the chances of gaining their support.

• Research the available elder care options in your area.

• Familiarize yourself with terms like assisted living, home care, and nursing homes, as well as any terminology related to your parent’s medical diagnosis.

• Make a list of the tasks and responsibilities involved in their care, including medical appointments, daily activities, and any specialized care they may require.

• Document any actions you’ve taken to date that might help inform why its necessary for other to get involved now.

This information will help you paint a comprehensive picture of the situation and demonstrate the level of support needed. By being well-prepared, you can approach the conversation with confidence and address any concerns or questions your family members may have.

Approaching the conversation: Setting the right tone and timing

When it comes to discussing elder care with your family members, setting the right tone and timing can significantly impact the outcome of the conversation. Choose a time when everyone is relaxed and open to having a meaningful discussion. Avoid bringing up the topic during stressful or busy periods, as it may lead to resistance or distractions.

Start the conversation by expressing your concerns and emotions honestly and approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. It's important to listen actively and validate your family member’s feelings, especially when difficult family dynamics are at play. Remember, your siblings may have had a very different life experience with your parent and they are entitled to decide what level of involvement is reasonable within their boundaries. Also, acknowledge any fears or worries they may have as this is a significant change for everyone. By addressing their concerns with empathy and respect, you can work together to find the best solution for your loved one's well-being.

Collaborative decision-making: Involving family members in the process

When discussing elder care, it's crucial to involve your family members in the decision-making process. By doing so, you can ensure that everyone feels heard and invested in the care plan. Start by scheduling a family meeting to discuss the various options and gather input from each member.

During the family meeting, encourage open and honest communication. Give everyone an opportunity to share their thoughts and concerns, and actively listen to their input. This collaborative approach will foster a sense of ownership and shared responsibility among family members, making them more likely to support the final decision.

In addition, keep family members up-to-date regularly. I share updates with my siblings weekly and, when necessary, send written updates to reinforce what was discussed. Particularly in crisis situations when things are moving quickly, having actions documented will keep everyone focused and lessen the chance that someone forgot what was agreed upon.

If family members are not close by, consider appointing specific roles and responsibilities to each family member based on their strengths and availability. This will distribute the workload and help ensure that everyone is contributing in a meaningful way. I’ve spend the past six months having to secure new homeowners insurance and get a major repair done in the kitchen, and my brother’s advice and expertise has taken some of the burden off of my shoulders.

And, particularly if you are dealing with a parent with dementia, encourage your family members to keep a journal of their interactions with your loved one. If everyone is paying attention to the signs, it’s easier to mobilize when a crisis occurs.

Conclusion: Emphasizing the importance of open communication and support in elder care decisions

In conclusion, discussing elder care with family members can be a challenging but necessary process. By approaching the conversation with empathy, providing factual information, and involving your family members in the decision-making process, you can hopefully unlock as least some of the support you need for your elder care journey.

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